Post Ocamp

I am imagining.

One day,

I will get drunk and cry like a lil' bitch;

For no obvious reasons;

but something deep down my mental that even I am not certain about.

I am going really down into the rabbit hole.

Affiliating with one particular kind of hypocrisy seems beyond my reach.

Unlike Heathcliff.

It takes years of training

I didn't choose the hypocrite life. There is never any choice.

I have a bad feeling about this.

So many changes I have to confront within so little time.

I don't feel like engineering;

I don't feel like HKU;

I don't feel like HK.

I can't convince myself to settle for this,

Though I did not try hard enough.

My days will get darker overtime.

I will be darker.

Seems like I am not making any friends,

whom I can connect intellectually with due quality.

Unlike high school.

Unlike middle school.

多言數窮, 不如守中。

More like,

眾人熙熙，我獨泊兮，其未兆。

Fit in?

I ain't even trying bro.

Drake - 0 to 100 / The Catch Up

Pre - Engineering (one)

Engineering.

That's it.

My life inevitably leads to this.

Spent 6 years to avoid this - Defeated.

Am I vexed and disappointed and desperate and dismal and agitated?

Hell yeah I am.

I don't know anything:

Video editing - no

Recording   - no

Programming - no

My following 4 years will be disastrous.

Neither tenacity nor creativity can assist me over this.

Due to the fact that I lack both of it.

Inadequate zeal is what keeping me from successful graduation.

Seriously, me? Engineering?

I don't build, I exercise destruction.  

Seeing once my best friend leaving to France for philosophy.

Seems like a brand new captivating starting point.

I would fain leave HK, the shithole, to study aboard.

Rather than doing this engineering bullshit.

My dream seems ever further.

I hate this place. 

Jay Z - Empire State of Mind